A Pinch Of Haze
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A Pinch Of Haze
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
    • Nomad Life
    • Solo Female Travel
    • Wanderful Stories
  • Destinations
    • South East Asia
    • Europe
    • America
    • Middle East
  • Work With Me
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Three decades on earth! 126 18
I have been so busy since I arrived last Saturday. Keeping up with everything and everyone, waking up early to work, going out after lunch, catching up over dinner, heart-to-heart conversions before midnight, etc. And I did not really have the time to absorb everything and sometimes, we just sit quietly and suddenly muster how we can't believe that I am with my family again. The family I chose to give up when I was growing up. The family who knows how stubborn and such a crybaby I am. After 11yrs, I just showed up halfway 'round the world to reconnect and the goddamn universe knows how amazing the feeling is! It melts my heart how I see them so proud of what I have become. It weakens my knees whenever I see how grateful they are that I still chose to show up on my own and alone. It tears me up when they say how much they loved and still love me. I am being spoiled now like how I was growing up and they told me to just let them do it. There are still a lot of things my aunts and I need to share and there are millions of moments I want to share and know more about my cousins. Can we slow down the time, please? 167 3
For this post, the view is me. 😂 Growing up, I used to always seek validation. It was as if I was never good enough when no applause was given to me. I guess it was because I felt like I owe everything from them. I was raised with no parents but I had everything I needed, even more I'd say. I was lucky to have my aunts, uncles, & grandparents to love me. As they used to always tell me, I should be grateful for having the intelligence that I have, so I am grateful. I lived my life trying to "give back" to these people that they got to plan my whole life. Until I felt this emptiness in me realizing I was not completely happy living my life for someone else's happiness. Being grateful has always been there, but being happy, I was not sure. I disconnected from everyone. Totally cut every communication except with my brother who completely understands my pursuit. I worked hard. 325 20
Travelling is like a scratch paper. You start from the beginning as you lose yourself trying to find it again. You can write neatly or make a mess if you'd like to do so. There is no concrete way to arrive to a solution. You use the things, values, and perspectives that you think are valuable to fill the void between you and the universe. And then you will come to terms with yourself - that the answer you just came up with can just be another variable for your next scratch paper. It is like a vicious cycle of life. I think it is just a matter of choosing what variables you want to take with you as you live this life. No right and wrong answers. You do you until you have come to meet the version of yourself you'd been looking for. ♥ 215 3
I've been feeling shitty about myself lately - being the thickest I've been in my whole life. I just do not like myself when I look at the mirror. I am trying to fight every external temptation but I guess I just caught this mindset of being carefree with life from travelling. And this has to change. My lifestyle has to change. Sorry, I just really talk to myself most of the times. ✌️ 894 13
"You know what I realized? Going out fires my productivity. I've been pushing myself hard lately achieving nothing. Depriving myself to go out because I felt undeserving of pleasure for not being productive. And it was not good in any sense." A text message I sent to my boss. 690 21
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